Tag Archives: personal development

11 perfect ways to recognize your authenticity: Now own that sh*t b*&tch

“Personal authenticity is a daily expression of your core beliefs and your personality. These are the character traits you exhibit every day.” I found this on the web, if you own it, say so….

At times people will judge  and scorn you. I see it, but I make a choice to recognize it peripherally. Then I let it go. This is simply because what others think does not define me. What I actually DO with my life is what defines me, especially when I think of what will be said at my end of life ceremony, get down groove party. Think of that time and you instantly become authentic. Get it right because we are all gonna die.

That is the practice part, to think of what people will say of you and your actions at the end of your life. To get to where you want to be practice these basic actions….

  1. Become self ware, write down what your moral values are, what is your moral compass. I suggest all the things you say about your neighbors and your friends goes here. Ie: “I cant believe she goes out all night without her husband”… equals… I believe time in a relationship should be spent together growing trust and getting to know one another. Think about what is important to you based on what you see happening around you. This is the easiest place to start.
  2. Have an open mind. Greet new things and old things with a smile. Even if you are judging in your mind say out loud, “hey wow, that is so awesome!” My daughter catches me on this on a regular basis. Just yesterday after the little freeze we had here in FL she went outside in the morning and saw everything was covered in white. “Mom, it snowed outside, come out and see!” I go out and simply say thats not snow, its frost. “Mom you are no fun, you are so negative.” I’m thinking snow would be way worse and I was being positive. But I need to practice more to see things with an open mind and a child’s eyes to better appreciate what God has given us in or limited days on this planet.
  3. Have goals. Writ these little boogers down. What are your goals and priorities. What or who are your real actions serving? Are they serving your true goals or are they serving everyone elses goals? Take time to do some self evaluation, figure out what you really want and start taking small steps to go in that direction. What I have found through this practice is if you measure a thing, break down your goal into smaller tasks and set a deadline you will make it happen.
  4. Trust your intuition. I believe true intuition is Gods voice in us. It takes practice to listen calmly and quietly to begin to recognize the difference between that voice and the crazy little voices that pop up in our minds that encourage us in the wrong directions. When you are in a situation you are not sure how to act on, sit in quiet solitude and listen to the different voices that are coming and going. You will start to recognize the calm firm voice that is your intuition, you will sense your own reaction to it with a clear energy like no other. The quiet solitude piece is most important, its easy to make a wrong decision and listen to the wrong voices in our minds when we are too busy.
  5. Don’t Lie. Duh… but it’s harder than you think. We have to first stop lying to ourselves about who we are and what we are capable of. Becoming self aware is a first step. Once we stop lying to ourselves we can stop lying to everyone else. Think before you speak and don’t qualify anything with excuses. Just speak the truth.
  6. Don’t try to be perfect or be someone else. Envy is a hard thing to get away from. Comparing yourself to the Jones’s is never getting you any further in life. We are wasting our energy on trying to mirror something that may not even be true. Usually that person is a total hot mess and we just don’t know it. You are an individual. You are the only you. You are an original, that means there is no else just like you. That idea is so amazing to me. I have this conversation with my kids all the time about not comparing themselves and doing all they can to really live up to their own potential. As adults we should remember the same lesson. Nothing really changes after middle school. We still need to work to live up to Gods potential in us. And it is limitless and abundant.
  7. Be present and pay attention. We all know how to do this, its just whether we choose to do it or not is the question. This means when someone else is speaking you need to put down your phone, get out of your own thoughts and your own agenda and focus on what the other person is saying. Staying present also means focusing on the task at hand and giving it your utmost attention. With all the distractions of technology and the expectations that our phones are constantly on our person, that we should be available immediately, it is a true challenge. Self Discipline is a practice that is not just daily, but a minute to minute practice.
  8. Express your own ideas and opinions. Self expression is key to the health of our creative self. To express our ideas to others takes a great deal of courage and thoughtfulness. writing this piece I realize what a shame it is that so many of us don’t have the courage to speak up in front of others for fear of being judged or shunned. It does take practice to put your own ideas into words, to articulate what you want to say in a meaningful way that isn’t harmful to anyone. What I practice is preparation. Before I go before a client or walk in to a meeting I spend time preparing for that meeting, I gather all the information I possibly can and I have even written down what I want to say so I can edit it and practice before I even walk in the room. I have been shot down before or have been the target of an interrogation unknowingly walking in to a trap. Afterwards I suck it up and shake it off and fix what went wrong. It has usually been a gift that someone was showing me a better way to do things or how to be a better person.
  9. Prioritize what’s important to you and voice it. Finding your voice throughout your life is a journey. So is figuring out what you really want out of your life and setting those priorities. Truth is they change occasionally based on your age and what stage you are in in life. Kids are all about instant gratification, young adults are more about preening and setting goals for college. Then there is marriage and children for a lot of us. And finally retirement and watching your dollars more closely. Setting your goals and deciding how to get to them is immensely important. So is voicing them to others, so their agenda is not yours. If you in a family voicing your priorities is super helpful. You may find that those who care for you will invest in your goals emotionally and try to help you get there faster.
  10. Don’t sell crap. This applies to your job as well as your self image. If you’re in a position where you don’t believe in what you are doing, or you are not happy with your position, you are the only person responsible for making the changes necessary to change the outcome. And if you can’t change your position, find a way to make it better, add value and reality to your situation or change your mind set. And if are in sales, don’t sell crap.  I usually have to argue with at least a couple potential clients about what I charge for my services and the cost of the materials I select for a home. You get what you pay for, you want to pay cheap prices, you get cheap crap. I don’t sell crap. Cant win ’em all.

Personal authenticity is the daily expression of your core beliefs and personality-  its a practice you have to keep at daily.

Own your beliefs and desires and values and you will find that you gain not only respect for your self but respect form others. You will become more of a leader and not a follower. re-read this article occasionally to remind yourself you are important and what make you more important is that you are true to yourself.

We gather strength as we go

Having a conversation with my daughter about how she and her friends treat one another can be such a challenge. Middle school girls are almost impossible to deal with. Typically involves crying and me taking a lot of deep breaths before I speak and offer any kind of wisdom 

High school and mean girls was my living hell. What I know know is that none of it mattered except how those interactions formed my personal level of confidence and self worth. 

My mom worked a ton and my Dad was away for work a great deal. So I floundered and made grave mistakes. 

Today I try to express to my kids this when they are facing mean girls or overly competitive boys talking smack: “transform fear into prudence , pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.” Nassim NTaleb

These are things we practice all our lives and may never achieve perfection. We can certainly become better people than we are currently. That’s all I want my daughter to know as she goes back to the lunch table and faces off with snarky comments. I told her to not back down and don’t lash out. Stay positive and smile. Stoics had a great idea. We all need to practice the philosophy more and be kind to one another. 

Single most important reason to hustle: You’re going to die. Single most important question to ask yourself. What will be your legacy?

Yep. We’re all gonna die. Life is too short. Seems like forever when you’re a kid. Then after 30 life seems to scream by. 

Throw kids in the mix and you feel like you barely have time to breath. 

Your legacy doesn’t have to be a Golden Gate Bridge or a speech to end slavery. Your legacy can simply be raising children who care for others, creating a community program for seniors who share your passion, or building something cool at work that makes life easier for others. 

Give yourself credit for what you have created. Then HUSTLE and create more. Build a legacy with depth and breadth. 

Success is an Attitude

Success : This is an attitude, I have succeeded in everything I have undertaken. I visualize, I plan, and make it happen. It may not always end up how I first see it, but I have learned to let things evolve and become what they want to be. If I foster an idea and put forth the effort , find resources, plan and adjust, refine, my ventures always come to fruition. I take the same positive attitude when I am ready to ramp a certain aspect up of an existing project. I am sure I have some peter out or completely implode, but I choose to not give them the energy they certainly don’t deserve. On to bigger and better things. Learn what you can from it and move on, never giving up. I remember hearing that Henry Ford filed for bankruptcy just before his great Model T came to fruition.

Tackle your future now…

Growth or Fixed:Your Mind Not Your Mortgage

The reality in our world today is that more and more people are earning college educations. They attend colleges and universities and earn a 2 year or 4 year degree. What makes it more accessible is the internet, you now have the option to stay home and earn those degrees or add to the list of degrees you have. Based on a report by the National Center for Education Statistics “Between 1995 and 2015, educational attainment rates among 25- to 29-year-olds increased. The percentage who had received at least a high school diploma or its equivalent increased from 87 to 91 percent, with most of the change occurring between 2005 and 2015. The percentage who had completed an associate’s or higher degree increased from 33 percent in 1995 to 46 percent in 2015. Similarly, the percentage who had completed a bachelor’s or higher degree increased from 25 percent in 1995 to 36 percent in 2015, and the percentage who had completed a master’s or higher degree increased from 5 percent in 1995 to 9 percent in 2015. ” (https://nces.ed.gov/)

I love this, my parents think I’m an education snob. That is their interpretation. My view is that the more people we have aligned with the mindset to continue to grow and learn, we as a human race will continue to evolve, hopefully making the world a better place for everyone.

This book was spot on, totally resonating with how I try to approach every situation. Not always perfect at it, but its a stepping back thought process to evaluate and redirect if necessary to accomplish greater things.

Dweck compares 2 different mindsets, fixed and growth. These are paradigms from which we work, make decisions in our life, build relationships, etc. In the fixed mindset is the belief the your intelligence is static. How ever smart you are right now is how smart you will always be. If you have an innate talent, you do well at something. If you do not have that innate talent, you will not do well at it, therefore wont try or find outside excuses for failure. You will avoid challenges, get defensive and easily give up, see effort as fruitless, ignore negative feedback and typically feel threatened by the success of other. Dweck explains that “as  a result, (fixed mindset) people may plateau early and achieve less than their full potential.”

The growth mindset holds that intelligence can be developed. There is a “desire to learn and therefore embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, see effort as the path to mastery, learn form criticism and find inspiration in the success of others leading to higher and higher levels of achievement.”

As a creative this is all a no brainer for me. Working in interior design all we do as designers is come up with solutions to problems. we use what we have and do all we can to move forward all the while trying to make space great on a budget. As a residential building designer working with home owners, contractors, engineers who may not all be as attuned to the growth mindset. I see it all day long, how easily people get stuck within in  their self imposed constraints. I have to ask at least five times a day of everyone, “what if anything were possible.” It is more or less my job to “make it pretty” and then work with GC’s, Subcontractors, vendors, artisans all to make my vision a reality. All typically under a unrealistically low budget. I want to buy all these guys this book Monday morning.

One of the biggest take aways from this book is the idea that failure is not an ultimate end, it is a step in the learning process. Though it can be hard to swallow in the midst of defeat (I am currently in the middle of healing from many failures a the end of this year) and it may seem that there are no lessons to learn, or none you see right away, be patient and know you will now not make the same mistake and create a plan to implement a better outcome in the future.

If you are struggling with how to deal with failure or wanting to grow your career or business, this book is a great start. Click on the image above and start reading. The author was great at story telling as well as giving real, useful tips on how to make real change in your life. You may want a fixed mortgage rate but you do not want a fixed mindset.

On top of that please take advantage of the free webinar by clicking this image/link and don’t forget to follow this blog for easier access to updates and info that I hope will push all of us to succeed and serve.


A Great Epitaph

Andrew Carnegie once said, “I wisht to have as my epitaph: Here lies a man who was wise enough to bring into his service men who knew more than he.'” 

So important in today’s world with technological changes moving at warp speed.